Monday, July 15, 2013

Resuming the Regular

Beginning a post like this is difficult. Because sometimes, even for a writer, the words just aren't there. At least the right words don't seem to be. But words are what I have, no matter how inadequate mine feel right now.

My last post told about my beloved mother-in-law's Grade 4 brain aneurysm. The day after I posted that entry, three weeks ago now, she died. The bleeding in her brain was too severe. The damage too complete. And after an eleven day fight, her body gave out too.

As you all know, because none of us is immune from tragedy, time moves along. Even after a tragedy. Those days where regular things must be attended to. The laundry must be washed. Meals must be prepared. Jobs must be returned to. Kids activities resume. Even bathrooms must be cleaned. But there's comfort in the regular, and after all the irregular, the regular is a good place to be.

But at the same time, when you're doing all your regular stuff, like walking your dog, you see people zoom by in their cars, unaware of your tragedy. Unaware of your pain. Unaware of your life shift. And you think, "How does regular life simply keep going?" But it does. And I know those people zooming by in their cars have their own tragedies, their own pain, their own ways that life has shifted. Things that I am unaware of.

So that's where I find myself right now. Resuming the regular . . . but the regular feels both comforting and discomforting all at once.

19 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for your loss. The regular will feel more and more comfortable as time passes but you will never be quite the same. Nor would you want to. You wouldn't want to forget about her. Missing her is a sign of how much you loved her, and while the ache will ease over time, she will always be part of your life.

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  2. I am so sorry for your loss. Having lost someone recently, I can relate to what you are going through and can tell you that there is no short cut to mourning, but resuming the regular does help. I pray for you and your family.

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  3. Sorry Barbara for your loss. With tragedy, being able to resume the regular routines is important. It can help ground you, otherwise you're left floating, unable to move on.

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  4. So sorry Barbara. I know that feeling. With time, things do feel normal again. I know. I've gone through losing a number of close family members. Hang in there.

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  5. Oh Barbara you used your words perfectly. I know exactly what resuming the regular feels like. As time passes those moments of discomfort will become less and less, the ache softens and tears arrive fewer and further between....but I think that is because we do resume the regular. Hugs to you and your family and to her friends too. I wish for you the smiles and laughter in remembering her as you all move forward with her firmly in you hearts. Thank you so much for sharing your words...

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  6. So sorry for your loss, Barbara. I hope your comforted times become more frequent than the discomforting times soon.
    Maybe when the words come back and the regular brings you back to your keyboard you could write a little bit about why you loved her so much. If her leaving this world had such an effect on you, I bet we would all love to hear about her.
    Take care.

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  7. My deepest sympathy for your loss. Yes, getting back to the regular things is so important to the healing process. Welcome back.

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  8. Oh, my heart breaks for you and your family. I know this is an often quoted verse, but it always brings my soul comfort: "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff-they comfort me." Psalm 23:4. ~Hugs & prayers

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  9. Aw, this is so tragic. So sorry about your lost loved one! *hugs*

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  10. Such insights in this short post. I am so sorry but thank you for the insights on grief, how universal and yet isolating it can be at the same time.

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  11. So sorry to read this Barbara. My prayers go out to you and your family.

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  12. So sorry about your loss, Barbara. It sounds like you are dealing with it as well as anyone could.

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  13. Barbara- So sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. I can only imagine how stressful and heartbreaking the past few weeks have been. I am sending good wishes your way and hoping the regular routines and love help you get through this difficult time.
    ~Jess

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  14. I'm sorry to hear about your loss, Barbara. You wrote beautifully about this period--this grief.

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  15. We all have those tragedies and it's never easy, but I have to think that as long as I hold the people I've loved in my heart, they are here. . .just in a different way.

    My sympathies to you and your family.

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  16. So sorry for your loss. When I lost a parent, I got the best advice from a college professor who was so wonderful to me. She said that everything stinks right now, but time helps. So give yourself time!!

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  17. So sorry to hear your sad news. I'm thinking of you as you struggle through it.

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  18. Barbara,
    I've been so far behind in reading blogs that I didn't see this post until today. I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm sure you already know that she is in a much better place now. I hope that you and your family have been able to resume and are back to normal, or as normal as it can be when a close loved one dies. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  19. So sorry for your loss. Somewhere along the line I learned that anybody I run into could be having the worst day of their life as far as I know. It's really a reminder to remember to be kind.

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